trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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