And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
