I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
