So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
