everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
