why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
