i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
this just has baby written all over it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
