Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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