So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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