Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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