Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
