Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
