A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
