can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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