Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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