I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
