walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
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