you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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