you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
