He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
