P.S. I can't hear my feet
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
