When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize