you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
