you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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