Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
