Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
