ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize