Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
