Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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