$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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