we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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