I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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