i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
