i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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