I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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