let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
