The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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