Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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