Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
