I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
A bitchslap is in order.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
