i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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