I hope mine doesn't look like that
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
