dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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