Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We're too hungover to prance.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
