$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
