So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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