The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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