Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
