I just pynch a tree in the face
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize