So drunk its hurt
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
