I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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