...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
