I seem to have left my pride at pride
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize