are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
