please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
