No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize