He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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