This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
