Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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