I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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