I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He felt like a one man threesome
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
