I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
