I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize