Do you still have your period?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize