I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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