420 ftw
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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