the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
