I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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