if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
