i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
