don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
