They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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